Insulting Muslims

Dear Muslims,

A short time ago I asked a Muslim, who is a professor at an Egyptian University, the following question:

“Do you think that it is reasonable for believers of a religion to ask from non-believers to avoid acting in ways that insult the believers of that religion?”

The professor, who had just published an article in a Danish newspaper, in which he was complaining about some cartoons — I don’t understand the issue very well — replied to me, saying that yes, believers might rightly feel insulted by the ways that some non-believers act, and in such cases the believers are entitled to tell to non-believers to stop doing what they do.

I agree with the professor, dear Muslims. And if you also agree with his opinion, then we all agree on the above.

So now, pay attention:

My religion is called Zinxism. I believe in Zinx, who is the ultimate, Supreme Omnipresent Being, and rules in our world, past, present, and future. You, Muslims, are of course non-believers in Zinx. I understand that, and I have no intention to convert you to Zinxism. I only want to tell you the following:

We, the believers of Zinx, have a certain devotion to words. Zinx has told us in the Bibruq, the Holy Book of Zinxism, to revere words. Some words are extremely sacred for us, and nobody should utter or write them, unless they are enclosed in quotes. One of our holy, sacred, unspeakable words is the word “prophet” (peace be upon it). Whether the word is written with a capital first letter or not, it doesn’t matter, it’s sacred either way. Nobody should write the word “prophet” (p.b.u.i.) without enclosing it in quotation marks. (Double curly quotes is Zinx’s preference, but single and/or straight quotes will do, if the other ones are not available in the used font.) And when I say nobody, I mean nobody! Do you hear me? Not only Zinx believers, but non-believers (infidels) must comply with this, too. Otherwise we, Zinx believers, feel extremely insulted. Now, Muslims, take note:

It has come to our attention that you write “prophet” (p.b.u.i.) improperly, without quotes!!

You do it repeatedly, and quite often. We are greatly insulted. This is a grave error against our religion that you are committing, and I must warn you about the dire consequences!

This is not a threat. We Zinxists are peace-loving people. Generally speaking. I mean, the vast majority of us are peace-loving. But as with every group of people, there are some extremists among us. We, who love peace, condemn any resort to violence. But we do not have any control over the extremist fundamentalist Zinxists, so make sure that you don’t commit the error to turn against all of us and apply collective punishment, if you are hurt by those extremist fundamentalist Zinxists. We condemn the fundamentalists in the clearest, the most categorical way. Fundamentalist Zinxists often resort to terrible acts, such as chopping the heads off of non-Zinxists who have insulted Zinxism. But we condemn them! We love peace. Peace be upon every human being, that’s what the peaceful religion of Zinx deeply wishes. We only ask you to stop insulting us, writing our beloved word “prophet” (p.b.u.i.) not inside quotes! Is that clear??

Note that it’s not just in English in which “prophet” (p.b.u.i.) should be enclosed in quotes; it’s in every language! I am writing our beloved word in English here because that is the language in which I wrote this message, but the same applies to French, German, Spanish, Italian, Greek, Turkish, Arabic, Pharsi, Urdu, Tamil, Tagalog, !Xhosa, Kúl’-Acúmba-Tabaûl’-Alû, and in general, in every language of the world! We have a group of Zinxism scholars who actively search in the writings of all languages of the world (whether in printed or electronic material), and inform us believers about the incredibly insulting instances of the word “prophet” (p.b.u.i.) appearing without quotes. And, guess what: first and foremost among those who insult us are you, the Muslims! You keep writing “prophet” (p.b.u.i.) without quotes all the time! We love our word “prophet” (p.b.u.i.) more than our parents, more than our children, more than ourselves, and we are ready to defend it at all costs! Did we make ourselves understood, Muslims??

There is a second thing that you do, which insults our religion greatly.

The great Zinx is fond of architecture. Zinx loves beautiful architectural monuments and buildings. But it is stated clearly in our Holy Bibruq that buildings must comply to certain architectural standards. In particular, it is considered an act of extreme arrogance — very insulting — to erect very thin structures that point directly to the sky! Such structures are perceived by us as the equivalent of raising the middle finger to Zinx! That’s unspeakably disrespectful!!

It has come to our attention that you erect disrespectful structures next to your mosques!!

You call them “minarets”. You must humbly apologize to us, and you must immediately pull down your insulting structures. This is a very serious matter, and you better pay attention! Once again, we are peace lovers, and we are not responsible for the fundamentalists who use the name of Zinx to commit their atrocious deeds. We condemn them in the most categorical manner, and we believe that they are a shameful lot, because they denigrate the name of our peaceful religion by chopping off the heads of infidels. We are with you in your effort to get rid of them. But please, please, stop insulting us! Demolish your insulting minarets immediately!!!

Whose sky are those minarets trying to penetrate?	Muslims! Do you realize the insolence of this gesture of yours?

There is a third thing that you do, which insults our religion greatly.

It is written in our Holy Bibruq that the human body is a beautiful work of art, created by Zinx, the Ultimate Artist. Zinx does not like his work of art to be covered with clothes. Now, of course Zinx knows that the climate of Earth is not warm everywhere, and that in most temperate and other non-tropical climates it is necessary to dress up with some clothes, otherwise people cannot survive. But clothes should not be used beyond what is necessary for the weather at any time and place, because covering up the artistic work of Zinx is a great insult both to Zinx, and to us, the believers of Zinxism.

It has come to our attention that you wrap up your bodies with unnecessary clothes!!

You do this especially with your women, who can be wrapped up entirely in these ridiculous potato sacks. In places like Arabia and North Africa, the heat is enough to cook an egg on the roof of a car. Do you really think it’s appropriate to be covered from tip to toes? This is extremely humiliating for us, it’s utterly insulting! It is a terrible insult in the face of Zinx’s sense of art! Undress your women immediately! Men, too, must get rid of their ridiculously many clothes. With the weather available in countries like Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and many others, a mere swimsuit is enough. Actually, men in such places can obviously be entirely without clothes, and women can wear some cover only during their special days of each month, covering up only what is necessary. That is Zinx’s will. Anything else? An insult!

Why do you hide the work of Zinx? Do you think you know better than Zinx
what is appropriate to show? How can you be so arrogant? Shame on you Muslim infidels!

These are a few of the things that I, the Messenger of Zinx, wanted to bring to your attention, insulting Muslims. We, peace-loving Zinxists, expect you infidel Muslims to comply with the demands of our religion, which is a religion of peace. And don’t even think of accusing us for our fundamentalist head-hunters — whom we do not control and are not responsible for — and who often fall into tantrums, maddeningly looking for infidels to quench their thirst for head-chopping sprees.

Readers’ Reactions:

A good friend of the Great Messenger of Zinx set up a blog that points to this very page, and contains reactions by readers. The Messenger, in his unlimited magnanimity, includes a link to that blog:

Here is the link to the blog.

Bonus material: the “Pillars” of Zinxism!

Readers who read the above were left ecstatic and wanted to learn more about the great religion of Zinx. To satisfy their spiritual thirst, the Great Messenger explains, below, the fundamental laws, or principles of our religion: the “pillars” on which Zinxism rests.

Zinx has tried to send his message to people through the “Abrahamic” religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), but each time his message was distorted, sometimes more, sometimes less. Of all the Abrahamic religions, Islam has made the worst distortions — it will soon become evident why, after exposing the true Laws of Zinxism. Zinx is very angry with the Muslim “prophet”, who completely ridiculed Zinx’s Laws and made a travesty of them. Zinx wants the truth about his Laws to shine, and that’s why he sent his Great Messenger on Earth: to correct the message of the other, the illiterate so-called messenger, or “prophet”.

Let’s learn Zinx’s true Laws.

The First Law is stated above in its correct form. This Law was also revealed by Zinx to the “prophet” of the Muslims some 14 centuries ago, but that “prophet” misunderstood it completely (as he did with everything else). Here is how that “prophet” applied it, as we learn from the Islamic holy book Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 67:427 [The “prophet” of Islam said:] “By Allah and Allah willing, if I take an oath and later find something else better than that, then I do what is better and expiate my oath.” Obviously, that “prophet” didn’t understand how to lie without becoming an embarrassment to future generations. Zinx didn’t ask him to lie for his own, personal benefit, but for the benefit of Zinx. (Note: when that “prophet” was saying “Allah”, he meant Zinx. He even managed to misunderstand Zinx’s name, for Zinx’s sake!)

Now look what wonders the First Law can work for us:

Needless to say, all laws stated here are approved by the Great Messenger (me), so the First Law is not violated by the Second one.

The Second Law of Zinxodynamics (i.e., the dynamics of exchanging believers among religions) allows believers of other religions to embrace Zinxism without abandoning their own religion. (Why, do those countries that accept double citizenship think they’re smart?) The Second Law also explains the hugely inflated numbers of believers that some Muslims claim for their religion. In truth, the majority of Muslims are actually Zinxists, but they refrain from saying so for fear of decapitation by the few remaining true and fanatic Muslims (only 1.45%, see chart below). Zinxists are currently 20.46% in the world, with a growing trend. The following pie-chart shows the true percents of believers of the major religions in the world, which are wrongly depicted in this source:

As we see, Zinxism is second only to Christianity. Muslims who truly believe that they are Muslims represent a tiny minority who oppresses the rest (actually Zinxists) into pretending that they are followers of Islam. And Zinxists who pretend to be Muslims are rightly scared, because Islam prescribes persecution and death for those who abandon it. Here: “therefore take not from among them [the hypocrites, who abandoned Islam] friends until they fly (their homes) in Allah’s way; but if they turn back, then seize them and kill them wherever you find them, and take not from among them a friend or a helper.” This is written in their Qur’an 4:89, check it here. (How would you take from among them a friend or helper after you have seized them and killed them? Oh, it’s just a minor detail, one of the zillion examples of impeccable logic demonstrated in the aforementioned scripture — see also the Tenth Law regarding that.) Verses such as the above, which are repeated often in the Qur’an, are responsible for many executions that happen in the Islamic world, when people dare to state openly that they converted from Islam to another religion. But Zinxism gives the freedom to come and leave whenever the believer wants; and it is this freedom that is sorely lacking in the Islamic religion.

In conclusion, the Second Law of Zinxodynamics is about the dispersion of religions. It states that there is a quantity called spiritual entropy, which keeps increasing, and can only keep increasing in the future. Spiritual entropy is defined as the inverse of the ability to cause religiously motivated mayhem and destruction. Thus, the higher the spiritual entropy, the lower the ability of religions to cause wars and destruction. In the end, when all religions will have been absorbed into Zinxism (not by force, as that “prophet” prescribed, but by superiority of principles), the spiritual entropy will have reached its maximum value, and this will signify the “Zinxodynamic death of religiously motivated wars”. (Notice that Islam would never achieve the same state, even if all people in the world were Muslims, because, as we have witnessed in Iraq after 2003, Sunni Muslims slaughter Shi’a Muslims, and the Shi’as slaughter the Sunnis. Same with the earlier Iran–Iraq war. Islam is unable to cause the death of wars; it only causes wars of death.) If you want to learn more about entropy and the Second Law, read this.

This is a fundamental law that many other religions adopt, too. It is also known as the Golden Rule in moral philosophy: “Do not do unto others what you would not want others to do unto you.” And yet, there is one religion that conspicuously stands out among the others and blatantly violates — or it’s more appropriate to say: spits in the face of — the Third Law. Guess what the name of that religion is! Yup, you guessed it right: it’s the religion that states: “persecution is worse than slaughter” (Qur’an 2:191), which tells Muslims that to murder someone is less serious than that person having persecuted you. This is not just a minor phrase in the Qur’an, a “slip of Allah’s tongue”, so to speak; it is the “prophet” of Islam himself who gives numerous examples, with his deeds, that it is fine to kill someone that offended him. For example (Bukhari: Volume 4, Book 52:270–271): “The Prophet said, ‘Who is ready to kill Ashraf? [Note: Ashraf was a Jewish poet who wrote some things against the “prophet”.] He has said injurious things about Allah and His Apostle.’ Maslama got up saying, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! Would you like me to kill him?’ The Prophet replied, ‘Yes.’” Similarly, in another Islamic text (Ishaq:676) we learn how the “prophet” sent his men to kill a woman, the poet Asma bint Marwan, because she had written some things that insulted the “prophet”. Specifically, she wrote to the people of her tribe: “You obey a stranger who encourages you to murder for booty. You are greedy men. Is there no honor among you?” Then we read in Ishaq:676: “Upon hearing those lines Muhammad said, ‘Will no one rid me of this woman?’ Umayr, a zealous Muslim, decided to execute the Prophet’s wishes. That very night he crept into the writer’s home while she lay sleeping surrounded by her young children. There was one at her breast. Umayr removed the suckling baby and then plunged his sword into the poet. The next morning in the mosque, Muhammad, who was aware of the assassination, said, ‘You have helped Allah and His Apostle.’ Umayr said, ‘She had five sons; should I feel guilty?’ ‘No,’ the Prophet answered. ‘Killing her was as meaningless as two goats butting heads.’ ” Note that the text of Ishaq is part of “Sirat Rasul Allah”, the “life of Allah’s Messenger”. Similarly, in yet another incident, the “prophet” shows that he violates the Third Law of Zinxism by delivering death as punishment for insult (Ishaq:308): “Halfway to Medina, Ocba [one of the captives of the “prophet’s” men] was called out to be executed.” [Then we learn that since the other prisoners were being held for ransom, Ocba asked Muhammad why he was being treated unfairly, different from the other captives.] “The Prophet said, ‘Because of your enmity to Allah and to his Prophet.’ ‘And my little girl,’ cried Ocba in bitterness, ‘who will take care of her?’ ‘Hell Fire,’ Muhammad responded. At that moment he was decapitated. ‘Wretch that you were, [the “prophet” said] you scoffed at me and claimed that your stories were better than mine. I give thanks that Allah has slain you and comforted me.’ ” In modern times, Islam punishes theft with amputation of limbs, adultery with death (by stoning!), and cartoons with boycotts and death threats. But let us not continue with further examples from that maverick religion. Suffice it to say that most religions of the world, and of course Zinxism, abide by the Third Law.

One important point to state is that the Third Law does not stipulate that punishment for crimes must be delivered by religion! Far from it. That task is left to the secular traditions of the society. The Third Law only says that believers of Zinxism must protest if the society they are living in ever violates this law, and ask the societal regulations to comply to it. Indeed, the question of who applies law and punishment is the subject of the Fourth Law:

Thus, Zinxism (or any other religion) must not stipulate a regulation that contradicts the common, secular law. Many religions abide by the Fourth Law, even if tacitly and begrudgingly. But — surprise, surprise — there is one religion that doesn’t. Hint: its religious law is called “sharia”, and it eliminates secular law. Are you still guessing?

Do you want to see an example of impeccable justice when administered by religious authority? Then read this news article: it’s about a poor soul, a Turk who worked as a barber in Saudi Arabia, and was accused by his Egyptian neighbor of swearing in Allah’s name during a quarrel that the two of them had in 2007. After that, the Saudi religious authorities sentenced the poor Turk to death! Meanwhile, the Egyptian disappeared, and never came to testify at court, but the verdict stood: Death! The Turkish guy would be decapitated. I wonder, do Muslims think that Zinx (whom they call “Allah”) is so weak and powerless to request help from the fanatic Muslim’s sword so that “justice” be delivered? Isn’t Zinx (okay, “Allah”) able to take care of the matter by himself? And also, do Muslims think that “Allah” is so ignoble and narrow-minded as to request the death of a person who swore using his name? Muslims! Does the epithet magnanimous mean anything to you, when applied to God? To think that Zinx competes with you in narrow-mindedness and base motives is the ultimate insult for us, Zinxists!

Torture is an act that causes pain (physical and/or psychological) to a victim. The more the victim is capable of perceiving pain and own suffering (i.e., the more conscious victims are of their own selves), the more severe the violation of the Fifth Law is. Human beings are fully conscious and able to perceive their suffering, so torture of humans is one of the most heinous crimes that can be conceived of. And yet... (you were expecting this “and yet”, right? You are also expecting the continuation:) there is a religion that violates the Fifth Law through the examples set forth by its “prophet”. Read: (Tabari 8:122/Ishaq:515) “The Prophet gave orders to Zubayr concerning Kinanah, saying, ‘Torture him until you root out and extract what he has.’ So Zubayr kindled a fire on Kinanah’s chest, twirling it with his firestick until Kinanah was near death. Then the Messenger gave him to Maslamah, who beheaded him.” Of course, this is far from being the only case where the “prophet” ordered torture. Here is what we read in another Islamic excerpt (Bukhari: Volume 4, Book 52:261) “A group of eight men [...] killed the shepherd and drove away the camels, and they became unbelievers after they were Muslims. When the Prophet was informed by a shouter for help, he sent some men in their pursuit, and before the sun rose high, they were brought, and he had their hands and feet cut off. Then he ordered for nails which were heated and passed over their eyes, and they were left in the Harra (i.e. rocky land in Medina). They asked for water, and nobody provided them with water till they died.” We Zinxists feel appalled by the alien, inhuman morality displayed by that “prophet” as recorded in Islamic scripture. We Zinxists are not Christians (at least not most of us), but we give credit to religious leaders such as Jesus Christ, who displayed an impeccable morality throughout his life, as we know about it from the Christian sources. We also respect people like Gandhi, who, though not a religious leader, used pacifism to lead his fellow country-people out of colonialism. But the “prophet” of Islam and his men used the sword to “persuade” neighboring tribes into submission (see also the Eighth Law).

The word “mentally” is emphasized in the Sixth Law (or the Sex Law, if it helps mnemonically), because the believers of a certain religion (guess which one — are my quizzes too easy?) claim that little girls in their countries mature sooner than in other places (such as Europe or the U.S.), supposedly because of climatic reasons. (Does the heat cause girls to ripen fast? What are they, bananas?) No matter how much truth or falsity there is in this claim, what they have in mind is sexual maturity. But the Sixth Law is not about sexual, but mental maturity. One must not have sexual intercourse with a mentally immature person because then one takes advantage of one’s superior position, and of the fact that minors cannot judge critically what happens to them, nor refuse. The secular law of each society must stipulate after what age a person is considered mentally mature (non-minor), as well as the punishment in case of violation of the Sixth Law, as per the Fourth Law. As for the well-known religion, its “prophet” set the example of a Sixth Law violation, since one of his wives, Aisha, was nine (9) years old when the “prophet” “married” her (Muslim 4:2127).

The issue of sex with minors brings us to the Seventh Law:

In a way, the Sixth Law follows as a consequence of the Seventh Law, which is more general. (But it is better to state the Sixth Law explicitly because not everyone sees immediately its logical derivation from the Seventh.) Blatant violations of the Seventh Law have already been mentioned above, all by a certain religion and its “prophet” (see the Ocba incident, the group of eight men incident, and of course Muslim 4:2127, in which the “prophet” beats a child (his 9-year-old “wife”) on her chest, which caused her pain, as she herself recounts. (She was punished like this because she simply followed the “prophet” out of the house without his permission.) Child molestation is a very serious crime for us Zinxists. The Fourth Law takes care of the perpetrators.

Another consequence of the Seventh Law is the equal chances and opportunities of the two sexes. The average man is by nature more powerful than the average woman, and consequently he is in superior position, at least physically. The Seventh Law implies that a man should not take advantage of his superior physique to impose his will on a woman. Most major religions accept this, except the one that’s choke-full with exceptions. Although the exception-ful religion’s book includes some verses that preach equality of men and women, it also includes some other verses that preach exactly the opposite! For example: Qur’an 2:282 [On testimony in court] “[...] get two witnesses, out of your own men, and if there are not two men, then a man and two women of your choice, for witnesses, so that if one of them errs, the other can remind her.” Hence, one woman is worthy of 0.5 units of witness, so that 0.5 + 0.5 = 1 whole unit of man-witness, in “prophetese math”. By the way, women, I don’t know if you noticed it, but according to that religion your intelligence is as faulty and error-prone as a Necrosoft operating system: you need one another as backup support, unlike men whose superior intelligence allows them to run their brains in a stand-alone fashion (so thinks the illiterate “prophet”, whose logic violates the Tenth Law — discussed below). Further, we read in Qur’an 2:228 “and they [women] have rights similar to those that are against them, in a just manner, and men are a degree above them [women]; and Allah is Mighty, Wise.” Yea, right. So “Wise” he postulates that women are inferior souls, beings of a lesser god. Zinx would never postulate such a stupidity, Muslims! Look what else your insulting “prophet” said: Qur’an 2:223 “Your wives are as a piece of cultivated land unto you; so approach your land when or how you will;” Women are things, he said, like pieces of land that belong to men. Man, the Big Bull, can go and spoil his land whenever the Bull wants. Bullshit! Moreover, the “prophet” said men can beat their wives, to admonish them if they don’t do as men please. Here: Qur’an 4:34 “Men are the maintainers of women [...]; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them;” Zinx could never have uttered such humiliating nonsense.

But, as I said, that religion is choke-full with examples in which a man in superior position takes advantage of others, who are in inferior position. Such examples include slavery, which is fully supported in the Qur’an, and is actually treated as something natural. Just one verse out of hundreds: Qur’an 9:5 “And when the sacred months have passed away, then slay the pagans wherever you find them, and take them captives”. And another one: Qur’an 4:24 [A man is permitted to take slave women outside of marriage] “And all married women (are forbidden unto you) save those (captives) whom your right hands possess. It is a decree of Allah for you.” But it is not a decree of Zinx for you. Too bad, Muslim men. Orgies with sex-slaves are over. Verboten! This is a decree of Zinx for us, Zinxists.

Generally, most religions of the world abide by the Eighth Law. Christianity is guilty of violating it (as well as the Seventh Law) in past centuries, during the forceful imposition of Catholicism on natives in Central and South America. But the religion that includes the violation of the Eighth Law as one of its fundamental principles is... (am I becoming tiresome with the repetition? it’s not my fault). It is the religion that espouses the following rule: Offer three options to unbelievers: either become Muslims, or pay the jizyah (tribute tax), or die. Here: (Qur’an 9:29) “Fight those who believe not in Allah nor the Last Day, nor hold that forbidden which has been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger, nor acknowledge the religion of Truth, (even if they are) of the People of the Book, [i.e., Christians or Jews] until they pay the tribute with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued.” Of course, the previous is only one of several excerpts from the holy books that preach forceful submission. Here is another one: (Bukhari: Volume 4, Book 53:386) “Our Prophet, the Messenger of our Lord, has ordered us to fight you till you worship Allah alone or pay us the Jizyah (tribute tax); and our Prophet has informed us that our Lord says: ‘Whoever amongst us is killed as a martyr shall go to Paradise to lead such a luxurious life as he has never seen, and whoever survives shall become your master.’ ” Zinxism doesn’t force itself to anyone, but expects believers to come to it (or to pretend to come to it — see Second Law) recognizing its moral superiority over other religions.

The Ninth is the Law of “How We Believe”. We Zinxists are proud to rely on science for our beliefs, rather than whatever religious authority (e.g., the Great Messenger) tells us. Note, the Ninth Law concerns factual information, not the Laws of Zinxism, which are not factual. However, the discussion of the laws on this page includes factual information. Example: should you, a Zinxist, believe that the Qur’an, Bukhari, Ishaq, etc., actually include the excerpts that were cited earlier on this page? Well, you can’t simply rely on the Great Messenger telling you they are there, you must follow the links provided if you have the slightest doubt, and check. The links will lead you to a site of the University of Southern California (USC). You must then confront the dilemma: “Should I believe the USC people who included the Islamic texts in their site?” If you know Arabic, you can consult the original sources; but if you don’t, and all you can read is translations, then you must ask yourself: “What is the probability that the people at USC — presumably some scientists — are lying?” If I were in your position I would judge this probability as exceedingly small. But you are responsible for your own critical thinking, you may apply your own judgment. Additionally, you can find the same Islamic passages by yourself, in different sources on the web. You can visit a bookstore and find the books the texts of which are included in the cited pages. After you confirm that they are the same, you have obtained independent confirmation from more than one source. Assurance that comes from independent multiple confirmations is greater than the mere sum of the assurances of those confirmations.

In general a Zinxist is urged to learn, and learn scientifically. There is another religion that pretends to urge its followers to learn, but what it really means is: “Learn only from us, the authorities of your religion.”

To understand the Tenth Law, here is a counter-example. Repeatedly, the well-known “prophet” used his own self-satisfying rules to “prove” that he was right! Look at this miserable example of reasoning: (Bukhari: Volume 1, Book 6:301) “[The ‘prophet’] said, ‘O women! Give alms, as I have seen that the majority of the dwellers of Hell-fire were you (women).’ They asked, ‘Why is it so, O Allah’s Apostle ?’ He replied, ‘You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you.’ The women asked, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! What is deficient in our intelligence and religion?’ He said, ‘Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?’  They replied in the affirmative.  He said, ‘This is the deficiency in her intelligence. [...]’ ”

What a lame reasoning! Earlier, the “prophet” had stipulated arbitrarily that two women’s testimony is worth the testimony of a single man at court, and he used this to “prove” that women are dumb! Suppose your name starts with an A, and I stipulate an arbitrary rule: “Every person whose name starts with an A is to pay ten thousand dollars a month to the treasurer of our great religion of Zinx!” Then I meet one of you whose name starts with an A on the street and tell you: “Look at you, what a morally deficient creature you are!” You ask me, “Where is the moral deficiency in me, O Great Messenger?” And I tell you, “Isn’t it true that you don’t give enough money for your children’s education?” You answer in the affirmative. Then I say, “This is the deficiency in your morality!”

I think you should reply, “There is a deficiency in your logic, O Messenger! First you strip me of my money, then you accuse me of not having enough for my children! I say, with this faulty intelligence, O Messenger, first, you should seek professional help for your mental condition, and second, you must feel ashamed of telling other people what to do. But your dumbness prevents you from realizing your own dumbness. Get out of my life, you rationally deficient rascal!”

That’s what you should say to me. (Unless my army of fanatic zealot Zinxists threatened to chop off your truth-speaking head.)

The books of that religion are full of violations of the Tenth Law. Look how a contradiction is created within the same sentence in the following Qur’anic verse (Qur’an 2:191): “do not exceed the limits, surely Allah does not love those who exceed the limits. And kill them [those who persecuted you] wherever you find them, and drive them out from whence they drove you out, and persecution is worse than slaughter.” Excuse me? What an example of faulty, contradictory logic is this? On the one hand the verse says “do not exceed the limits” (in your revenge and retribution); and on the other hand, in the same breath it says “persecution is worse than slaughter”; that is, to kill them is less severe than the “crime” that they did when they persecuted you! (after you provoked them, as we learn upon examination of the historical context). Is murder less serious than persecution? Which planet did that “prophet” come from? Suppose I told you, “Behave well, do not exceed the limits, and cut the throats of those who push you aside on the street without apologizing to you!” What would you think about me then? Wouldn’t you rightly be wondering, what kind of substances could I be smoking that made me think that Zinx wants you to kill those that push you aside? Would you think that such a reaction does not exceed the limits??

Several more laws are included in the Holy Bibruq, but they will not be revealed now, to confuse the infidels. The Holy Bibruq is a secret book, the contents of which are not revealed to the public, so that the infidels will not have the pleasure to scrutinize it and find all its deficiencies and contradictions. We Zinxists reserve this pleasure for ourselves, since other religions naïvely revealed the contents of their books. We relish finding the “onions” in other holy books, especially some well-known ones — you know which one I mean — and rubbing the noses of the infidels with the foul-smelling onions that they themselves cultivated. If you wish to sniff some of the onions cultivated in the holy book of the Muslims, read here.

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